December 26, 2005

This is fun--do one too!

My cellist flipbook

Maybe M.S. disturbs heat shock proteins and we should take aspirin

From "The Hot Brain" by Carl V. Gisolfi and Francisco Mora (MIT Press, 2000.)
"Heat Shock Proteins [HSP] as Cell Thermometers, Stabilizers and Chaperones" (p. 174)

"In addition to the survival benefit associated with HSP accumulation through training and heat acclimatizations, numerous therapeutic benefits of HSPs are emerging, (Ezzell 1995) [Ezzell, C. Hot stuff: Medical applications of the heat-shock response. J. NIH Res. 7:42-45]. For example, hearts from mice genetically engineered to contain human HSP70 genes recovered twice the contractile force observed in control hearts following ischemia and reperfusion. Scientists are now searching for compounds that promote HSP production. One such compound is aspirin, which acts to induce heat shock factor (HSF).
HSF is the transcription factor that regulates HSP70 gene expession as a result of binding to the regulatory elements of the HSP70 gene. The heat shock response also improves the success of organ and tissue transplantaion." (pp. 178-179)

Very interestingly, the writers say that heat stroke, which can cause neuronal damage or sometimes death, may generate from either the gut or else the central nervous system because a hot temperature is responsible for cascading events in both and it's unclear which of the two suspects leads the damage. (Charted on p. 168.)

December 18, 2005


On not seeing and on courage

My left eye is pretty worthless and my right eye can go too. My eyeballs are in good shape. I have 20/20 vision! The reason I can't see is my brain can't see, especially through my left eye.

The thing is, it's not just vision-vision that's going. It's also cognitive "seeing" that is getting whited out and blurrily unidentifying what I look at. Perhaps it's a whole side of my brain that is more affected, eventually leading my whole brain into not-seeing.

I'm very scared and here is how I just noticed it:

I'm seeing a talk-therapist because I'm a solo person and sick and just have made a move to a new place. I'm going in case it helps. So she said: "Look how difficult it is for you to navigate the system [that is our current culture] and you are intelligent! Imagine how people with functional I.Q.'s of 75 getting by." I said, "It's not a kind culture at the moment."

Since she said that yesterday at 2 p.m., depression has dominated my psyche.

If I don't talk to anyone then I don't get so depressed. Now that I have to explain and explain, I don't know if I really want to live like this--dwelling in explanation of loss that no one would imagine if they didn't have to.

If I change the TV channel, I can't remember what I was watching. So I just flick back to see. Big deal, right?

But I present to others as 'intelligent' (due to my originally inherited abilities, and an understandable initial assessment, I understand). So, even as I was complaining to the proper authority about cognition problems, the authority instinctively couldn't imagine that the 'real cognitive' complaint applies to me.

Mind you . . . my real complaint is actually real fear of real disabilities. So here I am, 26 hours later, having slept heavily (depressedly) for most of those hours, feeling the fear brought on by talking, and seeing the courage that I will need.

The other part of the fear: lack of kindness between people that I know I don't want to see. We with M.S. need so much courage!

In fact, we might have to be leaders in hoping for and asking for kindness from people

. . . might this be the foundation for some very important contributions to the world from us? Perhaps living the need well is our important job for life's sake?

[I'm quite scared. I can especially tell when I feel so depressedly exhausted.]

December 10, 2005


My neighbor and myself on last visits to D.C. government offices.

I've moved to the Midwest

It's wonderfur-l to have two cats to focus on. We all got through many stresses. One of my cats has a cold now that we are cosy in unusually frigid weather. But we made the whole move FINE! (Minor symptom changes and the usual pains rather than getting whacked with something.)

So I stopped at the SSA office here to sign up for Medicare Part B because my ex-employer has instructed I must have it in conjunction with health insurance premiums that I pay. People in the farm country of the center of the U.S. are . . . hardy souls [should I say]? Politicians run ads over and over on how we all need to take responsibility for ourselves in order to continue to create the state that the politician was raised in as a child, [which is also a not-so-covert comment on changing demographics.]

Coming out of the SSA office I became determined to consciously hold my healthy-self-ground rather than slouch into playing some pathetic role trying to DEMONSTRATE that I deserve or visibly-earn support from the government or whomever.

Is it good or bad that folks do not have enough imagination about other people's pains to at least give people room to be? It is good that perhaps they haven't suffered some things. But it's bad that people miss real connections that we offer each other by recognizing we are all oh-so-very-mortal.

So I also found a therapist today to address my defensive feelings, as well as everything about this new place (close to where I was born 42 years ago), not to mention to deal with the same old fallout of living ill for so long with a brain disease. Say it: "a brain disease" . . . this term may be more taboo than real sexual terms, discussing peace, or, generally, facing any lacks of absolutes.

We have to fear only fear itself. F.D.R. WWII