To think that I've been humming along for 2-3 weeks virtually without pain. What a dream. The eye-ache, arm ache, leg ache is back. Dummy is back.
To think that there were minutes that were not essentially annoying and trying to live.
Happiness is a lack of certain things.
But, now that pain rules again, a pile of my concerns don't bother me any more.
(For example: filling out the questions for a sleep study.
Someday there will be a 'study' establishing that
the reason MS symptoms are 'not very well known'
is: we are past explaining stuff to people with so little experience--
especially more than one time.)
When I was more well last week I actually had a dream one night. I miss being able to dream. I'm sure it's connected with waking up exhausted. What was my dream? I was just deeply, sadly crying. But it was the best connection with my subconscious in months if not years. I woke up that morning and felt as if I had actually slept (for a change).
In awake life I sometimes have tears and sadness well up in my body but then I step it into knowing and feeling the courage that is in the situation. Courage comes body-wise and feelingly from the same source as tears. It can feel the same as crying only better.
But in my dream I was just crying.